I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
