I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
