And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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