when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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