Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
