so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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