you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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