it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
