Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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