Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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