if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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