in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
