I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize