Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
