remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
