The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
