U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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