Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
