we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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