Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
