1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
