Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
