you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
