my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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