I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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