Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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