Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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