Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
