Girls should come with a carfax report
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
