Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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