I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
