I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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