i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
