I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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