whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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