the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
