just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
