my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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