I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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