She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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