I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
