I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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