Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
