Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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