I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
