you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
