It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
