well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
