you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
