Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
