She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
