yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
