Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
