Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.