Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.