DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
