i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.