Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
