i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
