let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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