So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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