I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
