I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
that's an acceptable place to lick
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
