I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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