I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
