I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
